1. No meat on the grill, I’m going home. If you can’t afford ribs, chicken, brisket and some links, don’t invite me over! No, hot dogs and hamburgers does NOT constitute a proper cookout. And I don’t want to hear that crap about some pineapple slices and portabello mushrooms. No, cookout means MEAT!
2. This is especially for the brother-in-law you can’t stand: bring your own swimming trunks. If you want to play with the kids in the kids pool, I don’t want to share my trunks with you. Why? Because I can’t stand you!
3. Also for that ignant brother-in-law: If you don’t want your cornrows wet by the water, don’t get in the pool! I never understand folks who want to play with the kids in water, but don’t want their hair wet. Get a normal haircut and save the drama.
4. Taking the lead from Michelle Obama, no pantyhose! It’s a party outdoors. Stop trying to be all cute and so polished. Show the bare legs!
5. Ladies, shave your legs. Look, I don’t care what Mo’Nique says, bruh ain’t doing the furry gams. Hairy legs is NOT an attraction.
6. Guys, shave your backs! Invariably, there will be a three-on-three basketball game, and it will be shirts vs. skins. If you look like Chewbacca from Star Wars, push hard to be a shirt.
7. Another repeat item: Don’t drop your kids off at the picnic and leave. This is not a daycare, so we’re not responsible for the little gremlins.
8. If you’re told to bring an item to the picnic, such as a side dish, don’t holla, “I’ll bring the napkins!” No, go get something real you cheap bastard! We need to feed people.
9. For the fake ass would-be rapper in the family, no, we don’t want to hear your latest song, so we will not gather everyone around to listen to you rap.
10. To that boogie family member, no, we don’t want to see the dance your baby girl did at her recital. A family get together ain’t supposed to be Showtime at the Apollo. There are no contracts to be awarded. All we want to do is have a good time, eat and enjoy the music.
11. If you didn’t plan, coordinate or arrange anything to do with the cookout, leave your broke ass friends at home! We have enough family members to fill up the joint, so we don’t need any extra mouths to feed.
12. This is a cookout, not a fashion show. So if you come fully dressed and then complain about the heat, SHUT THE HELL UP! Everyone knew it was outdoors.
13. Family reunion: If you planned NO part of it, shut up about the location, trips, or anything associated with it. Just sit down, eat and not hit on your fine cousins.
14. If you are a baby daddy or baby momma, and you bring your new man or woman, tell them to dress right. We don’t need to see her breasts falling all out her clothes or her butt cheeks in those tight shorts because you want to show how well-endowed she is and how big her booty is. And tell Mr. Man we don’t need to see his pecks and abs to show how built he is. You are there to see the kids, so save the drama.
15. The picnic-family reunion-house party is NOT a venture capitalist meeting. So we don’t need anyone trying to get folks to invest in their latest crazy adventure, OK? This is party and we are trying to have fun. I don’t want to see a spreadsheet, business plan or anything else. Just put the music on and dance!

Joe Horn may be praised by gun enthusiasts and thrill seekers as a no-nonsense guy who got fed up with crime in America by pulling out his shotgun and blasting two men to their deaths, but there is no doubt the Texas man will be haunted by his fatal decision.

Ever since the suburban Houston man saw two burglars crawling out his neighbor’s window on November 14 and gunned them down, Horn has been in legal limbo, unsure if he was going to have to defend himself and his actions or go free.

Monday, a Harris County grand jury chose not to indict Horn in the deaths of Hernando Riascos Torres and Diego Ortiz, meaning he can live his life without having to explain before a jury of his peers why he chose to be judge, jury and executioner of the two.

As a native Texan, I know how folks in my state feel about criminals: Hit ‘em hard, then hit ‘em again. The state leads the nation in executions, and Texas juries don’t play when it comes to crime.  Watch two sides of the gun law debate »

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Hey, folks. Another Wednesday, which means another edition of the Roland S. Martin Show on CNN Radio. The show is blasted to all of our 2,200 affiliates, and is streamed live on www.cnn.com/live You can also participate by calling 877-266-4189. Don’t be afraid. Tell us whether you think Sen. John McCain can attract conservative evangelicals. And what about Sen. Barack Obama? Are we seeing Democrats finally stop ignoring people of faith? Can Obama bring progressive evangelicals into the fold? I want to hear from you! Call 877-266-4189.

BET founder Bob Johnson didn’t even give Sen. Barack Obama 24 hours to bask in the glow of winning the Democratic presidential nomination before he began to try to get him to choose his candidate, Sen. Hillary Clinton, as the vice presidential nominee.

I went toe-to-toe with Johnson today on my WVON-AM/Chicago show. Listen below.

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Our www.wvon.com stream is down today, so check out the show here!

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I have been telling you guys for months that it is wrong for the Florida Democratic Party to continue to assert that the issues with voters in their state was due to Republican intervention.

James Roosevelt, co-chair of the DNC Rules Committee, said that officials in Florida knew very well that them voting in the presidential race on January 29 would result in a violation of the rules.

He said that the DNC told the Florida Democratic Party last year that they could hold their own, state-sponsored primary, on February 5 or after, and the DNC was willing to pay for it.

But the Florida Democratic Party did NOTHING.

In March 2008, the same offer was made, but THEN the Florida Democratic Party said it was too late to do such a thing.

Now, the Clinton camps crows and crows about paying for such a primary NOW, and that the Obama camp has blocked their efforts.

But if these same folks actually cared about this issue LAST YEAR, then they should have spoken up. They should have put their money on the table last year. Like I said, Clinton didn’t know that she would need these delegates to catch up to Obama. Now that she needs them, she wants them.

Let me reiterate: the Florida Democratic Party could have easily decided almost A YEAR AGO to hold their own primary. But THEY chose not to.

So enough with the blaming of the Democrats. Had they spent March 2007 to February 5, 2008 planning for their own event, the voters in the state would not have been disenfranchised.

And let me reiterate that a number of other states held a GOP primary on one day, and a Democratic on another.

This is why I have refused to bend on the issue of the need for Democrats to stop putting all the blame on Florida Republicans. It also should be on them.

DNC Chairman Howard Dean rattled off a list of successes this year in the Democratic primary. But when he got to Texas, he lost his mind.

Dean said more Dems voted in the Texas primary this year than the general election in 2004.

“Texas is ready to turn blue,” he said.

Fat chance, Howard.

NO Democrat holds a statewide seat in Texas, and that won’t change this year.

In his opening remarks, James Roosevelt, co-chair of the DNC Rules Committee, thanked all those watching the proceedings on CNN, C-SPAN and MSNBC.

Who was missing? Fox News.

They are carrying the event live, but with Fox ripping the Democrats at every turn, it’s not a shock that they wouldn’t get a shout out.

Early reports indicate that Sen. Hillary Clinton’s supporters are completely in favor of seating the full delegations of Michigan and Florida without any penalty.

The campaign of Sen. Barack Obama disagree.

I was told this morning that the committee voted 13-11 last night NOT to reward the two states for moving their primaries in violation of DNC rules.

NEW YORK - Just a few moments ago Sen. Barack Obama told the audience in Iowa that he’s got a good looking wife and kids.

Paul Begala, Jamal Simmons and myself laughed.

Hilary Rosen, the new political director for The Huffington Post, frowned.

She said that women prefer to be called smart or great rather than good looking.

My reply? BS!

I said a married man will always elicit a smile out of his wife when he says that’s she’s a good looking woman. ESPECIALLY a black woman!

My wife is a dean at a college; ordained minister; and working on two Ph.Ds. But she sure likes it when I say that at 43, she’s one fine ass woman! And I don’t need to fantasize about another woman when I’ve got her.

So, Hillary - who is unmarried - said she would take a poll and ask her folks about this. So, I’m asking you. Who is right: Hillary or Roland? Would you prefer your man say you’re great looking or smart?