Would a married woman prefer her husband say she’s good looking or smart?

I caught that Roland, and I thought it was cute too.

Personally, call me beautiful. I’m vain like that. It’s a great compliment. Women always have to deal with this. She’s beautiful– but is she smart? She’s smart, but is she talented/ or is she social?

With men, it sincerely does not matter how butt ugly you guys are, there will be some woman to fall over you for whatever reason. (Hey, it is what it is)

It adds a sense of pride to a woman (and man) when he relishes in her beauty. When’s the last time you cooed or awed at a man saying “Ladies and Gentleman…there’s my wife! Look at how big her BRAIN is”.

Great job tonight! Please say hello to Donna Brazile for me. I heart her. And she’s beautiful AND smart.

I just had this conversation with my sister yesterday. I was watching A&E’s bio of Obamarama, and there is a split second where he affectionately calls out to a Black, female constituant, “hey, baby”.
It wasn’t in the “what did you just say to me?!” way, it was in the Brotha way. I thought it showed who his genuinely is.

Then, today, I was watching the video put out by the Obama camp documenting the Oregon rally; there is a moment when Michelle walks off the stage with the children, and Barack is watching them- there is something there, something in his eyes that says “look at her. That is your next first lady.” You could see the pride and the love beaming from him to her.

To answer you question, as a Black woman, go ahead and tell me I am good looking. I know I’m smart. My man knows I’m smart. I don’t need to hear that from him all the time. But I do want to know that I please his eye. Am I lacking in feminist qualities because of that? No, I don’t think so.

We’re not talking about some stranger cat calling Michelle.

We’re not talking about the GOP saying about Michelle “well, at least she’s good looking”.

HA!

No, we’re talkin’ about her man. The father of her children.

He DOES have a good looking family.

His daughters with their natural hair in braids and twists, and Michelle’s smiles…why is it such a bad thing to say that outloud?

He’s proud of his children, and how they’ve adjusted and kept him grounded over the past 16 or so months. Same with Michelle.

So yeah, Roland, I agree. Hillary is missing on this on; this is like, “Cultural Compitency: Black Relationships 089, for beginners.”

Hey, maybe it’s just a Black thang.

Thanks for bringing it up. We don’t want to get sexism confused with a simple compliment.

Dang ya’ll, can’t we just chill out?

Roland is soooo correct!!!! Signed: A Black Woman With a PhD!!!!

Roland I think you are right. I am a smart single woman. I would rather be great looking. I think that only the women that don’t want romance wants to be called smart.

I am college-educated woman and have been married for 20 amazing years to a wonderful man (a Texas A&M grad too, btw). I am also a mother of 6 terrific children.
When my husband says I’m beautiful or good-looking (which he often does), I am not thinking to myself, “He must not find me intellectually stimulating. Otherwise, he would have noticed and commented to me how well my synapses fire.”
The same can be said in reverse…
“Since he complimented me on my intelligence, he must not find me attractive.”

I don’t prefer one compliment over another — I love them all and why Ms. Rosen would create a problem where none exists is beyond me. Her logic leaves me nonplussed.

Most sincerely,
Denise Hawk
Tyler, TX

I FEEL THAT MOST BLACK WOMAN PERFER BOTH. NOT ONLY ARE THEY SMART BUT FINE AS WELL TO ALL MEN. BLACK WOMAN HAVE ALWAYS RAISED AN EYEBROW. LOOK AT SECRETARY RICE SMART FOR MOVE WITHIN THE CABNIT THEN HER PERSONAL BEAUTY CHANGE.

Roland, when I heard Senator Obama compliment his family last night, I was smiling from cheek to cheek. A female always want to hear her man or any man
say that to her, age not being a factor–she wants to hear it age 13, 23, 33, 43, 53, 63, 73 and yes, even at 83. Watch her face when you say that. We females
already know, for the most part, that we are smart, but that’s not sexy or
endearing. “Baby, you look good” are the words we wake up each day to hear.

My take is exactly the same. With the benefit of 25 years of marriage, I would loudly and immediately concur that my wife very much likes to be told she’s attractive.
Why not say she’s smart ?

Well to be honest, she ,as well as many other educated women I know, simply wouldn’t accept an outside assessment of her intelligence. It’s not a subject open for discussion.

Appearance, on the other hand, is an intensely interactive evaluation.

Smart. Not nearly as common as good looking.

With all the problems in the world, you can’t find anything better on which to write?

Wasn’t Jimmy the Greek FIRED for his comment?

Wasn’t Imus FIRED for his comment?

Wasn’t Isiah NOT FIRED for his comment?

Wasn’t Bryant Gumbel NOT FIRED for his comment?

Is this open season on white people?

i would like to be called fine, good-looking, attractive, sugar, honey, baby and sweetie is even good on any day of the week by any nice man. it’s an endearment and reaches down to my soul to hear those words when they are spoken by most men. i did say most!!! men. i’m never offended. it i felt it was sexist comment i can give and good as i can take. but my honey can call me an endearment anytime.

A marriage relationship is unlike any other relationship. It is where a man and a woman become one flesh. As that relationship grows there are times when one may feel that they may not be as attractive as they once were and that they may not make that other person’s clock tick like they once did. So it is always good to reaffirm that one’s wife still has it, that she is still the one who looks oh so fine to him. Lets be real, when a man first sees a woman it is not her mind that he is attracted too it is how her looks. The beauty of a woman attracts the man. After that point the man gets to know her personality and her mind. For any man to say otherwise would be disingenuous.

Obama has said many times that his wife was smart, a great speaker, and would be an exceptional candidate. What is the problem if he compliments her on another characteristic?

Me, I like my partner to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful. I already know I’m smart! Being told your beautiful is far more intimate.

Which isn’t to say I wouldn’t blush happily to hear him say I’m smart, but of the two … I’d rather hear the former from him.

As a married black woman I LOVE to hear my husband call me good looking, I already know that Im SMART !

What’s with these folks name Hillary? They are really searching deep for anything to draw negative contrast to Sen. Obama. The answer to your question: Depends, it’s a time and a place for everything. However, it’s alway nice to have my man ackowlege how good I look! (He knows I’m smart). But, In many circles, it’s considered sexist, given the public forum, Obama will have to curtail some of what would normally be harmless. Also, consider many white women have a tendency to look at black men through a sexist lense.

I, personally, would say that I’d prefer to hear good-looking. I am confident in my intelligence, but not so much when it comes to looks, and I believe that many women feel the same.

….Good Looking wins every day of the week !!! …

I polled my beautiful wife, and she stated without hesitation that she would prefer to be called smart, but she won’t turn down either compliment.

Roland the girls at Curves said they would rather have their husband say that they are good looking. You know if you are smart or not, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

With your correspondence school Masters, don’t you think you could focus your “talents” on something more important than this petty BS?!

Such as:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/05/21/ethiopia.hunger.ap/index.html

WJ: Take some “hillaide” and chill “dude”!

Lighten up people! There’s nothing wrong with the question. Roland has plenty of serious topics to talk about in other posts, so go find one of them.

As a smart and fine woman, of course I want my husband to recognize both.

However, I agree with 100% with Roland, good looking is going to score you more points.

I know I’m smart, but looks are in the eyes of the beholder and the fact that my beholder likes what he sees makes me feel good.

W Johnson – what the heck does this have to do with open season on white people? Don’t try and open up some made up can of worms. Oh, and ask a woman if she things her calling her good looking is petty B.S.

The last line should read,

Oh, and ask a woman if she thinks him calling her good looking is petty B.S.

Feel free to correct my typos, if it makes you feel better. Smart people make mistakes too.

Just for the record, I’m a mixed (black/white) Franco-american who is 43 and married to a younger Frenchman and I would prefer for him to say I was beautiful, even better sexy, than intelligent. I know he thinks I’m intelligent, but with age, sexy and beautiful are what fade and thus what woman (of any race or nationality) hope their husband or significant other still appreciate.

Let’s be real, society (via the media) push looks above brains for everyone, and I bet even men would prefer to hear their mates say, “Babe, you’re one fine hunk!” than “I think your so smart hunny!”. And even my younger husband is working hard to regain his look of just five years ago and appreciates, like you when I say he’s got a fine behind!

Last night I actually answered the question Roland asked… so where’s my post moderator?

As a highly woman in the medical field, I must say – I love it when my husband reminds me how beautiful I am and the children we have made!

Duh- Highly EDUCATED! See, that happy husband of mine is here making me shiver, shudder and make typographical errors- and I bet it has to do with my looks right now and not my intellect!

SMARTNESS IS CROOKED; BUT WISDOM IS STRAIGHT.

LEAD ME IN THY STRAIGHT PATHS O GOD, MOST HIGH1

To answer Roland’s question: My professors acknowledge how smart I am; my degrees and accomplishments confirms that, so my husband telling me that I am fine is surely icing on the cake

Roland you are right! Women love to hear that they are beautiful, fine, and pretty. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as, it’s done in a respectable way.

Hillary ROSEN ,WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT!! I’M SURE IF JOE LIEBERMAN SAID THE SAME THING , IT WOULDNT BE AN ISSUE.

the problem with complimenting a female now days, has been made into an insanity, to the many male hating chauvinistic females who resent being women, and care more to compete with men and then try and emulate men.. and the first thing out of their mouth when they see a woman they like or want, is they start with the complimenting her body, her face, her butt and everything and anything to convey that she will seduce her if she gets the option or can connive her way into entice the woman…. it’s acted out a million times a day, and the actions follow a patter, of being, followed by her eyes in the other womens eyes, and “down to her breast” and “back to her eyes”, back to the breast, followed by a compliment, back ot her eyes, and then up and down her body, followed by pretending to be interested in what the other woman is saying, followed by a compliment, and that cycle of up and down the body glances continue.. and then the next thing is.. “we should get together”….. in her eye language seduction process… many women have become women chases, and complain when men compliment women, because some women feel, that’s one less woman she may not get the free access to seduce.. this has been going on for years upon years… and the same women who do it, will not miss an opportunity to make a put down comment about men, during her seduction quest of cycled script…

many times, they will find anything to make a put down comment about men, but what that comment really is saying and what the women are telling each other, is they are Open to bed each other down, and then only trip challenge then is .. who’s going to make the first move..

if people wake up and become aware of the nature that is prevelant in this world and society of women, and what is composed in their claimed secrecy.. men may realize .. many women are not that image he holds of being some ” being who is only aroused by men”.. they are aroused by their own doing, the ”
toy” business makes more money than the automobile industry, and it’s very few that don’t own one or several.. and then come across with the, I’m so non sexual attitude when approached by a man,… but the first thing they want to do in a relationship or even in situation of passion exchanges, is use it, to catch, hold and control a man.. and generally the whole of it, catches, hold and controls her in the midst of her process, because what she can’t get for the manipulation of it, and the implied bargain then she infuriates herself, when the catch , hold and control tactic don’t get the ends met of concession, compromise or prize….

so the women who function like that, are their own worst enemy… a woman who is a woman, appreciates a man appreciating her, and she already knows, there are times he may compliment her mind, her actions, her body, and her intellect… and she does not trip about when one or the other is compliments, because she knows she is a complete person and those are just noticed moments of address, and if she was not appreciate as being whom she is, then nothing would be complimented at any time… and as people… the nature of desire.. is part of the human being.. and anything that don’t have it.. is lying… and waging an internal battle to maintain the lie… so they live in self deception anyway…

Why can’t you people just answer the question??I am woman and I would like the question asnwered.
For me “BOTH”

I would prefer to be called good looking as long as it is truth telling not just saying something I want to hear. I am well accomplished in my education and career that I do not need anyone to tell me that I am smart. But it is good to keep hearing my husband or boyfriend tell me how beautiful I am irrespective of age. To those who think this is too petty to write about I must remind you that “All work and no play”! There is still room for levity even in the most dire circumstances. That is why it was found that the happiest countries in the world were actually found to be Third World countries. People still found something to be laughing about and this helps relieve the unbearable conditions of some of their lives.

“Hilary Rosen, the new political director for The Huffington Post, frowned.”

This is the problem with most of these radical feminist types. They, (feminist), are always making something out of nothing. Obama is quite aware of his wifes accomplishments. It does not diminish the woman in the least to compliment her beauty. Men and women evaluate prospective mates differently. Most men desire a beautiful woman for a mate. Her accomplishments and level of intelligence only makes her more appealing in his eyes.

It didn’t come across as an authentic compliment to me…or as you’d probably put it: to “myself.”

This “commentary” started as a humorous, light-hearted response to a light-hearted article. I’m still there! Thanks Mr. Martin!

On “that woman-billary clinton”: First I’ll take a Pept-acid before I speak. O.k. Done!

BHC is very deliberate and PLANS EVERY WORD that she uDDers [mis-spelling intentional!] So this was not a gaff, mis-speak or mis-statement!!! She meant what she said! Why don’t people believe her? NO, she’s not tired [as some reporters state]. SHE IS EVIL AND SHE HAS EVIL THOUGHTS WHICH SHE STATES! [Pass the acid-reducer]! Just seeing her makes me ill!

Then that “gobbledy-gook” which, again was well planned, but was uDDered to fool “working, hard-working Americans, white Americans”, could in no way pass for an apology! And, to whom was she apologing?? No – she was trying to EXCUSE her EVIL WORDS!

I have to excuse myself. L8R

Roland, you’re correct. Publicly, we’re likely to pontificate on why we prefer to be referred to as smart but in reality, a compliment on looks is preferred. Men have known that for some time which is why guys use those type of lines anyway.

Peace and Blessings.

GOOD LOOKING! WE LOVE THAT. SAYING SHE’S SMART IS LIKE SAYING SHE’S UGLY. HELL, SHE KNOWS SHE’S SMART, SHE PROBABLY KNOWS SHE GOOD LOOKING, BUT SAYING IT WILL ALWAYS GET YOU SOMETHING EXTRA. BARACK KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING!

I don’t think there is a right or wrong on this one……men and women alike generally knows enough about their mate to know what their “preference” might be. If we have to “break it down” though, Michelle Obama is an “average” looking woman to most people. This might be something that has plagued her or whatever!!! Barack and Michelle knows that she’s smart (has all those degrees to prove it); but, as a woman, it is important for her and most women to know that their mate thinks that they are good looking. So, now we have – Roland, I agree with you on this one. But remember, you can reverse the scenario and it would also work the other way (i.e., beautiful but not so smart woman decides to go to school and earn a degree, etc., etc., etc.)

Why is it after all the first ladies or potiential first ladies is there suddenly concerned about looks and smarts . Yes Michelle Obama is very intelligent and yes she is very attractive and has lots of class and style . There has never in my life time been a very pretty first lady , not even Jackie Kennedy . Jackie also was intelligent and classy . Are we now concerned about the fact that we may have Michelle as first lady that she also has to be beautiful as well as all the other stuff. Is this a BLACK requirement . Just gives crediance to what has always been said , if you are of color you must be three-four times better than someone white . no one is talking about the fact that Cindy McCain is not beautiful or attractive . She does not look human .She looks like a Barbie clone , not attractive at all , rich but thats it.

Roland gets it (the point that is):

My wife is a red head, taurus and irish. So believe me when I say that my admiration of her 55 year old physical attributes is a requirement for peace in our home as well as my continued health. Just kidding but she is also a Berkley girl from the 60′s, published author and award winning playwright. In truth I am as in love with her mind as I am attracted to her body. Please don’t rat me out.

I understand these comments. None of them were made in a derogatory way. I always tell my daughter it is more important to be smart than beautiful, but if you get really lucky you get both. When my husband tells me I am attractive, I find it refreshing. Especially at 40, after 2 kids, that he still finds me as attractive as he did before. My intelligence shows through in every decision I make during every day, my beauty is only seen by a few who know who I am. And I like it when he reminds me of that.

I like a woman who is smart and pretty, pretty and smart and that I find sensual… and it does not matter what order that is expressed.. it matters that I express it..

and onlookers, can think what ever floats their boat.

touch –

For you to find a woman who seems smart, from your vantage point, must just about EVERY woman in the world.

And, if you are as ugly as you are idiotic, pretty for you would be almost EVERY woman in the world.

I love that you try man. Please keep it up. You will, at some point, get better at this. And please, when you do, you DO NOT have to thank me for pushing you on!

Amen to you, Roland ! I also have two advanced degrees ( one in Theology) , I am a teacher and mother of two grown children..and when my husband says he thinks I’m still beautiful..I glow inside..It’s great to hear it from the person you love ! YOU ARE RIGHT ! and by the way, alot of people tell me I’m smart and successful, but only my parents ( who are deceased) and my wonderful husband have told me I’m beautiful …I would be a bit uncomfortable hearing it from someone else ..
Go Obama !

Hillary ran and Lost… why does she thinks she should get a consultation prize ??

none of the Republic candidate asked for a concession and raise hell in the party, they lost and they moved out of the way.

None of the democrats asked for consultation, they lost and moved out of the way?

Hillary, is doing the same thing that far too many women do, is get that scorned women complex, and want to create division, because they don’t accept the loss..

it’s kind of like, a man can get rejected by a woman, and he is expected to move along, but a woman when she gets rejected, raises hell and moves ahead to engage division and destruction.. why is that??

does she understand the fact of a race is there is a winner, and a looser, and she was not the winner..

and the process did not offer some mandatory position to a runner up..

goodness.. this is far too symbolic.. and hopefully people learn.. this is quite similar to how women make relationships hell when they don’t get what they want, even when the whole family, does not support her..??

Hillary’s actions, are a disrespect to the party, and she has been disrespecting every rule the party has, that’s why the flap over a pledge she signed along with other, became a issue, she honors nothing but Hillary.. and then ties the white women in as if she is their spokes person, and I don’t see how the women can want to be represent by a person who can’t follow the rules, and then want a concession, or she holds the party hostage, trying to extort something from the process.. with her veiled threat and refusal to accept the delegates did not choose her.. it brings the question, why can’t women take loss and not make hell, when they don’t get what they want??

she lost.. go sit down, and if you are asked to be a running mate accept or don’t..

but this is nothing but symbolic.. why she is not ready to lead anything, because she is all about herself.. at the expense of anyone and anything..??

now what’s your take ??

touch -

When are you going to wake up? Come down, sober up?

You don’t have a clue as to what is real in life v you dream world.

Again, do you think when Obama is elected President, he will make Ebonics the official language of the good ol USofA or will idiots like you have to “act white” and learn to speak English?

Ro Ro, gonna censor this, too??

WJ: Why are you resisting taking the “hillaide” since you support her so much. Oh, now that she is gone, you can go with her, saaaaay to H***.
RE: “act white” – Is that like “being EVIL” & HATING?

RUKiddingMe -

‘acting white’ is a black term for blacks who do well in school. I take from that that being stupid, such as yourself, is black. No wonder so many blacks do SO WELL in school!! den day bitch an moan about tests been biazed and we has to lower standards so dey can pass.

I don’t support Hillary at all. To me she is a carpet bagger (go look it up).

Whew!!! That “hillaide” is really affecting you!!

I’m a African American Woman married for six years and I must say I like both. My husband tells me I’m beautiful more than he tells me I’m smart. It truly puts a smile on my face and in my heart when he tells me I’m fine and sexy. It’s nice to know that my husband thinks I smart but when he tells me I’m fine and sexy I take his hand and lead him to the bed room and we have a rodeo night!

Husband and Wives need to give kind words. When I see Obama and Michelle you can truly tell they love one another! That black love is solid and strong and they will grow old together! And their daughters are going to be better women because of the way he not only tells his wife but treats her as well. Michelle is truly blessed in more ways than one- only in God can that be!

Yoo Hoo . . . Roland

Hello
The hit job you did on Jesse Helms was full of rhetoric short on substance. But even outside the poor defense of your arguement, you did not consider how Jesse evolved in office. What of Robert Byrd,Malcolm X and the like coming from hateful backgrounds they to grew into something other. Just the same old perspective given by a fellow with a huge chip on his shoulder,arrogant proud as ever.
Best
Joe

woman have and always will enjoy a man telling her she’s good looking thats a fact…..(keep up the good work roland)

I prefer both, but on national television, when everyone already knows I am smart (as we all know with Mrs. Obama) the good looking compliment will work.

A smart husband is going to tell his wife she is beautiful and brilliant. My wife made better grades in high school and college than I did, and she looks a lot better than I do. Why do I need to choose one attribute over another? (Guys, it does pay better dividends that an IRA!)

It is sad but true, if people prefer to vote for John McCain before they vote for Obama; they will suffer along with everybody else. Haven’t that been proved with the Bush Administration?

Some people would not dream of voting for Obama or endorsing him simply, because of the color of his skin. Obama have had more support from the White Community than McCain, and it keeps rising. Many people have raised money, and given money toward Obama’s campaign. John McCain is now earning voters, by trying to destroy Obama.

Not everyone is the same, and we are finally realizing we are all human beings. I am sure many are proud of Obama, including Foreign Countries. Keep up the good work. You understand the importance of Obama being the better choice. What a Change!

McCain needs to stop being so negative when talking about Obama, again, this is going to backfire. The United States is also being judged by how they treat their own people. If their people cannot get respect, they feel this Country can not be trusted. This includes the immigrants that also live in the U.S.A. So many people have stepped up to the plate and done their part in the Presidential Election.

Just remember Black is only a color and I am tired of hearing Obama don’t have the experience. No one have the experience until they get the job. President Bush had experience, Look what happened? We are now in a recession, do we need this again? Obama will have to work 3 times harder. We need someone that can represent this country. Yet they rather vote for a loser than a Black Man.
So I feel no matter how much experience you have, you can still be the worst person for the White House.

We have had Actors, and many others without any kind of knowledge of being a President, but they won the Presidential Election!

In my heart I feel Obama is going to win. He does not need the Clintons. If this was the case how did he beat her in the Primaries? It’s hard to believe, these people are even trying to pick Obama Vice President. This is up to Obama, everybody else had a choice.

I vote for Good looking.

and why can’t both be ok. Different strokes… Some women are more yin (feminine) and they feel stroked by Good iookin’ and others more yang and they feel stroked by smart. I think we twist ourselves into a noodle when we want every women to respond the same to the same words. Not gonna happen, and isn’t that what makes us mysterious and exciting and fun and well…. women.

As a married woman I want my husband to tell me I look good. However, women can be smart and good looking. In the case of Mrs. Obama it is a given that she is smart and beautiful.