Roland Martin’s Super Bowl Party Rules – Don’t Get Jacked
In 6 or 7 hours, the crib will be packed with crazy sports fans ready for the Super Bowl party. Here are Roland’s Rules for today!
Rule 1
It’s Pitt vs GB. I don’t want to hear a damn thing about how your team COULD have made it. They didn’t. Shut up.
Rule 2
The SB party begins after 1 pm. If u don’t go to church, don’t come early. It’s Jesus THEN football u heathen!
Rule 3
Chips are an important pre-game meal. If u bring ANY off brand chips, u will be refused service & thrown out.
Rule 4
If u don’t like football, DO NOT bring your hatin’ azz to the Super Bowl party! I’m not listening to your BS today!
Rule 5
NONE of my 4 HDTV’s are for non-Super Bowl viewing today. U want to watch something else, bring your own damn TV.
Rule 6
Unike the party poopers at the White House, team gear is allowed. But no MLB, NHL, NBA stuff. This is the NFL’s day!
Rule 7
No, we will not set aside you a plate because u are running late again. Bring your azz to the Super Bowl party on time!
Rule 8
Non-football discussion is not allowed during the game. Take that ish outside. I’m not having it!
Rule 9
Fellas, if your woman knows more about football than you, don’t start none. I’m taking her side, ya punk azz!
Rule 10
The TV DOES NOT turn to any other coverage. At haltime, we’re watching the Black Eyed Peas. No turning!
Rule 11
HEAR YE! HEAR YE! DAMN THE COMMERCIALS! WE WILL NOT BE REWINDING OR PAUSING TO SEE THE DAMN COMMERCIAL AGAIN!
Rule 12
I have a Bose system. If u choose to question every play call, i’m turning it on full blast & bust yo ear drums!
Rule 13
Your playing days in Pee Wee, high school & college doesn’t measure up today. It’s NOT the same, so SHUT UP!
Rule 14
Today is FOOTBALL food. If you grill portabella mushrooms, I’m whippin your azz, going to Popeyes & going home!
Rule 15
EVERYONE watches the Super Bowl. There will be no kids room. Yours have ADD, keep their azzes at home.
Rule 16
If there is a great play, don’t call/text asking, did you see that play? Dumb azz, it’s the Super Bowl. We watchin!
Rule 17
If you bring your Franklin Covey & are planning the rest of your work week, I’m throwing you the hell out!
Rule 18
If you are working in a multi-level marketing scheme, I’m smackin’ yo azz today. I don’t wanna hear it. NOT today!
Rule 19
If you come to my party passing out business cards, I’m revoking your party privileges. No business today!
Rule 20
If you are coming to my party & selling your kids candy & candles for a BS school fundraiser, I’m cussin’ your azz out!
One last rule: if u want to watch Bill O’Reilly interview President Barack Obama, I’m throwing your azz out!
