Payday loans

Roland’s Cookout Rules

05/27/2011 8:42 pm 0 comments

To everyone, have a great Memorial Day weekend. And give thanks to the troops who have given their lives for this country. Now its time for Roland’s Cookout Rules, don’t get it twisted …

If you are having burgers & hot dogs, we are NOT showing up. That’s a cookout for kids; not grown folks! #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are having portabella mushrooms on the grill, I’m cussing your azz out & leaving. That’s a fake cookout! #Rolandscookoutrules

If you still wear a jheri curl, you are not allowed anywhere near the BBQ pit. We don’t need your special sauce #Rolandscookoutrules

Unless you have a real job that can be proven with a time card or check stub, there will be NO take out orders #Rolandscookoutrules

If your child support payments are not up to date, your invite to the cookout has been revoked! #Rolandscookoutrules

Off brand beer or sodas will get you two smacks upside your head & an immediate ejection from the cookout! #Rolandscookoutrules

Wannabe rappers: we will not play your CD at the cookout. Only established acts who don’t cuss or shoot folks allowed #Rolandscookoutrules

You can play ball after we eat. No musty azz folks are allowed near the food. #Rolandscookoutrules

If you drop off your kids & leave, I’m calling Child Protective Services for abandonment. Watch your own bad azz kids! #Rolandscookoutrules

The drunk azz uncle we all have is not allowed to serve drinks. He will likely steal the liquor. #Rolandscookoutrules

I know folks on a health kick, but if I say get some bread, that’s WHITE bread! Brisket & multigrain don’t work! #Rolandscookoutrules

A grown azz man cookout means brisket, ribs, links, chicken. If you want turkey on the grill, stay ya azz at home! #Rolandscookoutrules

If u don’t eat beef or pork, you better enjoy the baked beans. That’s the only meat we have! #Rolandscookoutrules

If your stingy azz brought some meat, that don’t mean only you get to eat it. One pit, one family! #Rolandscookoutrules

Bruhs, if your new woman comes by & don’t speak to erbody in the house, take her azz back where you picked her up! #Rolandscookoutrules

Sisters, if your new man comes by & looks one of my nieces up & down, all the men are whuppin’ his azz. Got it? #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are a smoker, you better quit 3 days before the cookout. We don’t want to smell nicotine all in your clothes! #Rolandscookoutrules

If you have not previously been certified by my mama, your potato salad & cole slaw cannot be put in the rotation. #Rolandscookoutrules

To anybody who owes me money: hell no you are not welcome to the family cookout! #Rolandscookoutrules

We have an old school cookout. If it’s time to play Scrabble, we want the board game w/real tiles, not your iPad! #Rolandscookoutrules

If you have not been family-certified, you CANNOT play spades, dominoes or bid whist. Go practice & come back #Rolandscookoutrules

If u just started baking, you are not allowed to bring any desserts. Only approved pound cake/peach cobbler allowed. #Rolandscookoutrules

The recliner is for daddy, mama, big mama or paw paw. You sit in it as long as they aren’t there. 1 show up, you azz up! #Rolandscookoutrules

If we get 2 discussing politics & u say “Barack,” I’m bustin’ u in the head w/big mama’s cane. It’s Pres Obama #Rolandscookoutrules

If politics come up & you defend Rush, Donald Trump, Glenn Beck or Hannity, I’m bustin’ you in the head w/big mama’s cane. #Rolandscookoutrules

If u didn’t bring extra underwear for your kids, & u knew they aren’t potty trained, your sorry parenting azz can’t eat #Rolandscookoutrules

If u need a ride & u are just calling, I guess u having Popeye’s on Memorial Day #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are to boogie to do the Cupid Shuffle or the Electric Slide, you can leave my house now! #Rolandscookoutrules

If you don’t remove your hat in my house or your do rag, it WILL be removed. Ya feel me? #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are an ex-felon, don’t act like none are in your family! – you must remain outside at all times. No excuses. #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are divorced & we never liked you, your sister Pam can drop the kids off & pick them up. #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are in a multilevel marketing program, & you try to pull a brochure out, you will be forcibly removed by the ex-felon. #Rolandscookoutrules

If you are complaining about the heat, shut the hell up! We don’t do cookouts in the damn winter. #Rolandscookoutrules

When i say put some Ross on, I mean Diana Ross. NOT Rick Ross! #Rolandscookoutrules

When I say put the King on, I mean BB King, damn sure not Elvis! #Rolandscookoutrules

When I say put some soul on, I mean Stax/Atlantic/Chess Records, not neo-soul! #Rolandscookoutrules

When I say put some Motown on, I mean when Berry Gordy owned Motown! #Rolandscookoutrules

And when Big Al Carson’s “Take Your Drunk Ass Home” is played, I mean it. TAKE Y’ALL’S DRUNK ASSES HOME! BOOM! #Rolandscookoutrules

If you show up with your underwear showing, that ass we see will get whupped! #Rolandscookoutrules

Bruhs, if you show up Timbalands & jeans, I’m patting you down. No one legal wears those hot azz clothes to a cookout #Rolandscookoutrules

Ladies, if we can see your organs, your clothes R 2 tight. The ladies on the usher board will pull you aside & school you #Rolandscookoutrules

Fellas, no wife beaters. A sweaty man in a wife beater at a cookout is nothing great to look at #Rolandscookoutrules

If your kids are out there dancing like a pole dancer, I’m snatching them off the dance floor AND their mama & daddy! #Rolandscookoutrules

If u go use the restroom, we are doing a hand inspection before you get near any food. Wash up! #Rolandscookoutrules

Ladies, if your legs look like a Chia Pet, wear some pants. Lord, please, no hairy legs! #Rolandscookoutrules

Lastly, If you found a way here, find a way back. There will be no passing of the hat to call u a cab with ya broke azz! #Rolandscookoutrules

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger... Sphere: Related Content

Related Posts
Roland’s Father’s Day Rules
It's Father's Day. I am NOT BBQ'ing. It's MY day. But I will coach yo azz if you ain't handling ...
READ MORE
Roland Martin’s Valentine’s Day Rules – Don’t You Just Feel The Love?
OK. Here we go! It's time for Roland's Valentine's Day Rules! If your woman is already asking you what is planned ...
READ MORE
Roland Martin’s Super Bowl Party Rules – Don’t Get Jacked
In 6 or 7 hours, the crib will be packed with crazy sports fans ready for the Super Bowl party. ...
READ MORE
 No meat on the grill, I’m going home. If you can’t afford ribs, chicken, brisket ...
READ MORE
ROLAND S. MARTIN: It’s Time To Stop Being So Sensitive About Discussing Out-Of-Wedlock Children
By Roland S. Martin Editor-in-Chief RolandMartinReports.com Listen to any politician talk, and you'll quickly realize that there are so many crises in America ...
READ MORE
Perspective: At The Table Of Brotherhood, Discussing Differences And Gaining Understanding
In his famous "I Have a Dream" speech at the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, ...
READ MORE
ROLAND S. MARTIN: Props To NCAA For Banning Connecticut From March Madness
 By Roland S. MartinEditor-in-ChiefRolandMartinReports.comMarch Madness is usually a wild and crazy time on the campuses of the nation's big-time college ...
READ MORE
By Roland S. MartinMy political friends on the right always talk about small government, being fiscally responsible, and not burdening ...
READ MORE
Final Thoughts On Super Bowl-Twitter Controversy
By Roland S. Martin Based on several tweets I made on my Twitter feed on Super Bowl Sunday yesterday, I have ...
READ MORE
Roland Martin’s Statement Regarding The H&M David Beckham Ad
By Roland S. Martin Editor-in-Chief RolandMartinReports.com Fam, let me address the issue that some in the LGBT community have raised regarding some of ...
READ MORE
Roland’s Father’s Day Rules
Roland Martin’s Valentine’s Day Rules – Don’t You
Roland Martin’s Super Bowl Party Rules – Don’t
Roland’s rules for the holidays – summertime edition
ROLAND S. MARTIN: It’s Time To Stop Being
Perspective: At The Table Of Brotherhood, Discussing Differences
ROLAND S. MARTIN: Props To NCAA For Banning
ROLAND S. MARTIN: Today’s GOP Missouri Primary Is
Final Thoughts On Super Bowl-Twitter Controversy
Roland Martin’s Statement Regarding The H&M David Beckham

More from the Roland S. Martin Blog

  • Politics Washington Watch Rep. Clyburn Pushes The Clyburn Amendment To Help The Poorest Of The Poor (VIDEO)

    Rep. Clyburn Pushes The Clyburn Amendment To Help The Poorest Of The Poor (VIDEO)

    Rep. James Clyburn joined Roland Martin on the set of Washington Watch to discuss the Clyburn Amendment. This amendment was created to help the poorest of the poor across the United States. MR. MARTIN:  Is there anything specific the President and Congress can do to target African-Americans when it comes to this high unemployment number? REP. CLYBURN:  Yes, there is, and we – you’ll find it in the rule development part of the so-called “stimulus bill.”  I- — was – [...]

    Read more →
  • News

    WASHINGTON WATCH: Rep. James Clyburn On Feb. Job Numbers, African-American Unemployment, Bipartisan Jobs Bill (VIDEO)

    New employment numbers came out Friday showing the economy continues to recover and continues to add jobs at a pretty healthy pace. There were 233,000 private-sector jobs created in February. That’s two, solid years of private-sector job growth. The unemployment rate was steady at 8.3 percent. Black unemployment was 14.1 percent, up half a percentage point from last month. Big job gains came in healthcare, business and professional services, as well as restaurants. The jobs problem and the upcoming election [...]

    Read more →
  • Commentary Sports ROLAND S. MARTIN: Props To NCAA For Banning Connecticut From March Madness

    ROLAND S. MARTIN: Props To NCAA For Banning Connecticut From March Madness

      By Roland S. Martin Editor-in-Chief RolandMartinReports.com March Madness is usually a wild and crazy time on the campuses of the nation’s big-time college basketball programs as fans wait in line for days for tickets to see their favorite collegiate do battle in the NCAA postseason tournament. But if you’re a Connecticut Huskie fan, you’d better hope your team can have a magical run in the Big East tourney and qualify for an automatic bid because when it’s time for [...]

    Read more →
  • Media Politics Roland Martin On CNN Video Getting To The Polls: Is There An Enthusiasm Gap Amongst Republican And Democratic Voters?

    Getting To The Polls: Is There An Enthusiasm Gap Amongst Republican And Democratic Voters?

    Donna Brazile, Roland Martin, Ari Fleischer, Erick Erickson, Jessica Yellen and Anderson Cooper analyze voter turn out and if there is an enthusiasm gap amongst the GOP and Democrats. Sphere: Related Content

    Read more →
  • Media Politics Roland Martin On CNN Video Gingrich Has Problems With Women Voters, They Don’t Trust Him (VIDEO)

    Gingrich Has Problems With Women Voters, They Don’t Trust Him (VIDEO)

    Roland Martin, Erick Erickson, Donna Brazile, Ari Fleischer and Anderson Cooper discuss Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, their wives and Gingrich’s problems with women voters.

    Read more →
  • Commentary Sports ROLAND S. MARTIN: Football Power In Texas Has Shifted To Houston

    ROLAND S. MARTIN: Football Power In Texas Has Shifted To Houston

    By Roland S. Martin Editor-in-Chief RolandMartinReports.com I hate the Dallas Cowboys. No, I don’t dislike them. I flat out cannot stand anything about the Dallas Cowboys. The year they went 1-15, I was ticked they won that one game. When they played in those three Super Bowls in the ’90s, I rooted hard for the opposition. Hell, I hate them more than the Ku Klux Klan! That’s why I take great pleasure in seeing the transfer of power in the [...]

    Read more →
  • Politics Herman Cain Tops Mitt Romney In Latest CBS/NYT Poll

    Herman Cain Tops Mitt Romney In Latest CBS/NYT Poll

    Source: Corbett B. Daly / CBS News CBS News Poll analysis by the CBS News Polling Unit: Sarah Dutton, Jennifer De Pinto, Fred Backus and Anthony Salvanto. Businessman Herman Cain is now atop the field of Republican White House hopefuls, squeaking past former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in the latest CBS News/New York Times poll. Cain garnered 25 percent support of Republican primary voters in the poll released on Tuesday, compared to Romney’s 21 percent. To read this article in its entirety [...]

    Read more →
  • Politics Rick Perry: Obama Birth Certificate ‘A Good Issue To Keep Alive’

    Rick Perry: Obama Birth Certificate ‘A Good Issue To Keep Alive’

    Source: Luke Johnson / The Huffington Post Texas Gov. Rick Perry said the birther issue was worth “keeping alive” in a CNBC interview Tuesday morning. “It’s a good issue to keep alive. It’s fun to poke at him,” said Perry, according to host John Harwood. Perry also spoke evasively about President Barack Obama’s birth certificate in an interview with Parademagazine published over the weekend. When asked if he believed the president was born in the United States, he said, “I have no reason to think [...]

    Read more →
  • Video What Did You Think Of The GOP Debate? (VIDEO)

    What Did You Think Of The GOP Debate? (VIDEO)

    CNN’s T.J. Holmes caught up with some folks just after the Las Vegas GOP debate ended. WATCH: Sphere: Related Content

    Read more →
  • Video Poverty Rises For Blacks In Omaha (VIDEO)

    Poverty Rises For Blacks In Omaha (VIDEO)

    CNN’s Thelma Gutierrez reports on the disproportionate rate of poverty among African-Americans in Omaha, Nebraska. WATCH: Sphere: Related Content

    Read more →